Well, I haven't totally lost *all* my little sides. The main one, the 16 ish side, she is still there. Still a big mouth. And still taking the reins 90% of the time. But the littler ones, they just aren't there. The odd thing is...I'm not sad or scared or any other negative thought/feeling. I know if I lost my biggest little side, I would probably flip. Since it is the one in command most of the time. She is one that even my family knows about and accept. They don't know the full extent of her, but they don't bat an eye when it shows. So I feel...nothing, about the others. Maybe they will show up, maybe they won't, but I am not stressing myself over the loss.
I have read a few articles over "Age Regression and Healing" and I think that the last post I made is connected with this. Over the years Monster and I have had numerous talks where I wind up bawling my eyes out. Not in a bad way, in the good "I am a phoenix rising" way. His patience and understanding in these situations makes me fall in love with him all over again. He heals the broken pieces with his love and never ending support.
After my little episode, him somehow managing to take care of all the sides of me, I felt so much better. The younger ages that I used to regress to disappeared. And I think they were healed, which might be why I am not worried about them being gone. I still have my childlike outlook, the things I have always loved through the ages, and my love for "childish" things. I just don't get triggered by them anymore.
Healing through love...who'da thunk it?
This is a combination of past and present. Bits were done in Nov. 2011 and other bits are more current.
No who is in whose head? I have a post in the can about self-image, that kinda goes back to why I feel the way I do, and I just haven't been able to spit it out.
ReplyDeleteI block out lots of stuff. I dissociated then, and still do when I think about stuff...blank, absolutely no feelings at all. But trying to write that post is making me major uncomfortable, and I keep closing the editor. Sometimes it scares me when I'm not numb.
I know what you mean. When that happened, Monster said I should write it out. I struggled through it and had to keep coming back. When it was, it was like this great victory.
DeleteI have others hidden away about self realizations through our relationship and "experiments." The self-image is what has taken the most work.
Don't know if I want to go there. Daddy deploys soon, and I don't want to be alone with that gummy, mucky, ugly pile of goo.
DeleteI do not blame ya. Not a happy place to go, especially when you don't have your comfort zone handy.
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