That really struck something in me. Monster and I are both close to our parents. Of course we are closer to his, you know, the current situation and all. But before he started running our house plus their's, we were close to them. I'm close to my mom and am...getting closer to my dad (parents divorced when I was three and my dad was gone until I hit 19). Family is a big deal to both of us.
June's words though, they made me think of those we let into our tight little bubble. On the outside we keep to ourselves and very few people are a part of that. Before his dad's health issues, we were in the process of non-actively looking for a play partner. By non-active, I mean not necessarily looking, but not ruling the possibility out either. We had talked to several girls, but when it came down to face to face meetings, it was always a last minute cancellation. After a lot of disappointments and one really bad case of heartbreak on my end, Monster said absolutely, positively no more.
Since that point, about a year and a half ago, I have closed myself off. Not letting many people close enough to see the me underneath the mask. People in general, friends or possible more than friends, I don't open myself up. Which I never really have, but it's been worse since 2010. June's thank you note, just hit me. Made me think of what I block out when I guard myself. Honestly, she is the closest thing to a best friend I have. She kinda snuck past my guard. And I am so thankful for the friendship that I have with her. She's like the sister that I never had. Even though I have two younger sisters that I love dearly, I am thirteen years older than one and fifteen years older than the other. We are all three on different phases of life. June is the sister I can confide in and vice versa.
Thanks to her note, my next work on me project will be opening up more. Allowing myself to let people in. Creating a chosen family. A group of people that I can take off my mask with. A hard project, I know for sure. But hopefully one that I can complete.
So thanks, Juniebug, for being such a wonderful friend and someone I would consider a part of my chosen family.
Imma cry now, lil sweet dream. I thank you for being my best friend, my sister, my confident. You have been there for me when when I needed advice. When I've been close to losing it 'cause I miss my Daddy, your hand has been right there and for that I'm forever grateful.
ReplyDeleteThe funny thing about who we are - Daddy & I kinda snuck past each other's defenses. And you & I kinda did the same. It's an organic thing. It happens without even thinking or realizing and suddenly you look and you can see the person much clearer because they're inside your defenses. Love you, trust you (almost more important than loving...trusting).
My thanks back back to you, for being my friend, and one of my most important chosen family members.
Very organic indeed. You and Monster are alike in that way. Both just quietly slipped past the radar. :)
ReplyDeleteI am thankful that you give me that trust. You have mine as well. I say it a lot, but I'm there whenever ya need me. :)
It's a big circle of thanks. Lol. Big love to Thr Juniebug. :)