Wednesday, May 16, 2012


Today, I wish I could go to bed and start over. I really do. Everything started out normal. It's Dr.'s appointment day. So Monster will be gone until later today. Which isn't out of the ordinary. But today it feels monumental.

The kids were at various stages of getting ready. My son was sitting at the table playing his gameboy, my step daughter in the rocker watching seasame street, and my step son was texting while searching for his shoes. All normal. I was in the middle of checking on my group on FetLife and Monster was making sure he had everything ready to go. Then it all just stopped. Our dog Gizmo had babies and they are ready to go to forever homes. Minus one now. As my stepson was coming into the kitchen one of the babies was leaving the kitchen. Unfortunately they were doing this at the same moment. He stepped on her and squeaked. Everything just stopped. I looked down and saw...yeah, she was twitching and not gonna last long. Monster went into his cool head mode and handled the situation. Gods love him.

He got the situation taken care of and had to leave. The boys wanted to go with him and the girl wanted to spend the day with their grandma. So they went on business as usual, just a little sadder than the day began.

I sit here at my kitchen table bawling and seeing that terrible accident in my mind while I watch momma dog search the house and whimper. Looking for a puppy she won't see again. Stuck in little mode and just wanting my Daddy to make it better. My selfish side is getting mad because I need him and I can't have him. And I silently curse his siblings that won't offer help wth his parents. And ask why can't I have a day where it's just our family he takes care of.

I know it's selfish and immature. I know his parents rely on us to take care of things. I know we are doing the right thing. But my little side just aches for his arms and his soothing words and gets more upset because it's not available. I hope all goes well at the doctors today and I hope it goes quickly.


  1. Oh Honey, if I could reach out and hug you right now I would. I spent years taking care of disabled parents and raising my kids. I totally understand what you are feeling.

    It's not selfishness, it's self protection. If my day had started like your I think I would want to go back to bed and start over too. If that would help and you have the oppurtunity, maybe you should :) A little extra rest might give you the boost you need to get through the day. Sometimes, just 20-30 minutes can really help.

    1. Thank you so very much. You have no idea how much that means to me. When we have these moments, it's so hard to not feel selfish. Not to wish that we weren't the only ones taking care of his parents and little sister. Not a burden, but hindering sometimes. Thank you for your words.

  2. {{{little friend}}}, I understand, the hardest part of being like us, is needing and feeling selfish in the needing cause we need them more than their family, their friends and this country. Daddy Monster will be home soon, take a breath and try to feel him. That's what I've been doing. {{{momma dog}}} cause I know she needs it too. Love you big.

    1. {{{{the Juniebug}}}}
      Thanks sweetie. It's still a heaviness around the house. We just need time to heal. The price you pay for loving your pets like they are your kids, when they leave, it hurts.


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