Monday, March 12, 2012

Getting and Giving

As I was showering; sniffing up my bottle of baby wash, a couple of thoughts came to my mind. The first was holy bajeebus this stuff smells so yummy! But pooh, I’m almost out, looks like I need to get more. The second was a little more serious. It was about the relationship between Daddy and I. I can’t really describe what we have. Its just…us. No more and no less. The main thought was feeding. Feeding egos, needs, desires etc.

When we are most natural (alone or in a comfortable environment) it comes out more. When all the world's walls come down and I don’t have to play guard. I have a need for him. A need that I never knew I had, but now, could not go without. He gives me a sense of security. With him I know that he’s not going to get upset if I see a spider, snake, or any other icky, creepy-crawly and scream. My immaturity in some areas, aren’t made fun of, in a way they are endeared.

So what I can’t say the anatomical parts without blushing or giggling, it's just another thing that defines me. He brings out so much that, at times, it scares me. There are things I used to cringe at the thought of, but now I find a little intriguing. That does, at times, freak me out. With anyone else, I would never admit, agree, consider…well you get the idea. I can honestly see me agreeing to most of what would normally creep people out.

He feeds that. He makes me feel as though it’s nothing out of the ordinary. On the other hand I feel as though I feed him in a relatively similar way. I feed his ego, by my neediness, my insecurities, my lack of knowledge in all things manly. I feed his need to be the protector, the boss, the one in control. His need to be needed.

If everything were to be taken and set aside. No form of “kinky-ness”, no general feel of Him=boss/me=willing do- er, everything gone…I would still need him. In the most basic of ways. But, would I still be as important to him? And reversed, would I still feel needed by him? Would I still feel an unbearable desire for him to be placed on his pedestal?

I believe that we would, just in a different type of way.

I know this is all irrelevant rambling, but it’s still funy to realize that each of us are giving and getting just as much as the other. I know that whatever I give him, he gives it right back. A continuous circle of feeding. Instant gratification on both sides. It applies to everything between us. When I say Daddy, it’s not just a nickname. I put so much faith in that one word. Daddy. Daddy is the leader, the boss, the one who has the power to rip my heart into a million and one pieces but the compassion to cherish and protect it. He has the power to emotionally kill me, but the wisdom to keep me safe. From myself and him. What does he get out of this? The knowledge that he is trusted, implicitly.

Another, more creepy, way to look at things… (don’t read if you aren’t sexually open minded) The whole anal (ugh, I hate that word) thing. Yes, after we get going I do like it. How does this relate to getting and giving equally? Easy. I give him the most untouchable part of my body and myself. He gets the ego boost by knowing that I trust him, so completely, that even when I cry and he keeps going, I trust him enough to know he will stop if he thinks I will be damaged. Physically or emotionally. He gets a trust that has never been given to any other person I have been with. I get an overwhelming sensation (hehe, in more than one way) of love and protection.

I think I have rambled away from my original thought. Haha.

*Originally Written: Dec. 2010*


  1. It is! There is a definite flow of energy. There should be in every relationship, but I think it is stronger or more defined/visible in a D/s relationship. Maybe because there is a higher level of communication. The inherent trust and vulnerability make for a deeper intimacy.

    And the need? Yes, the need is deep and profound. I think because for the first time in my life and I can be all of who I am, without fear or reservation, and be accepted and loved and treasured, really treasured as beautiful (I have NEVER in my life been beautiful before) and unique.

    I make him smile and laugh big belly laughs, delighted bubbly laughs, and I can hear the joy in his voice. It feels good to be delightful. He delights me, too.

  2. Sooo agree. Monster is the first person to not try to change me, the core me, instead he helps build me up. There's this equal balance of vulnerability and trust between the both of us. I know that in his eyes, I am the most beautiful soul and his perfect match. It's the same for me, he is my perfect match. He feeds my littleness as much as my littleness feeds his Daddy-ness.

    And with all that, we have this deep connection that has braved and withstood manh, many storms.


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